


As a Joke

by ChroniclyFlaming



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-01 09:42:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13995573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChroniclyFlaming/pseuds/ChroniclyFlaming
Summary: Master Roshi and Oolong leave a basket of "goodies" outside Android 18's door with a note saying it's from Krillin. It turns out to be a very thoughtful gift. For both the receiver and the supposed gift-giver.





	As a Joke

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt:  
> As a joke, Master Roshi and Oolong leave a basket of "goodies" outside Android 18's door with a note saying it's from Krillin. It turns out to be a very thoughtful gift. Of course, while she's using them, the guy who supposedly gave her the stuff pops into her head.
> 
> Bonus points if at breakfast the next day, she's smoking and acts all nice to Krillin.

Besides the ancient hermit, the shape-shifting pig was sweating bullets and about to be sick all over the floor. His breathe came out in gaps and heaves, the pink skin nearly pearly. Soon would come out the paper bag to breathe into heavily. Master Roshi simply scratched at his cheek thoughtfully. Together, they leaned uncomfortably against the wall. Almost huddled, really, if someone wanted to be honest. And perhaps it was time for that.

“She’s going to kill us.”

“That she will.”

“Oh Kami.”

He tried to remember his last visit to the otherworld, but couldn’t. “It won’t be so bad.”

“What are you babbling about, old man?” Oolong grabbed him by the shoulders, displaying a strength he didn’t show such as when they had to move a couch to find a fallen magazine. “She’ll murder us both. Skin us. There won’t be enough to bury!”

“Calm down. Don’t make me slap you.”

“Seriously. As soon as she realizes what she just picked up. My Kami.”

“Now, now. Maybe things’ll be okay.” Where did they keep that emergency submarine capsule?

“What are you saying? Any second, she’s going to come tearing out of her room. Don’t you remember that look she gave you when you asked if she was still single? Her and her _sister_?”

Was it still in the kitchen, in one of the drawers? “Now that was a genuine mistake.”

“Is this? Do you think that she’ll think this is a ‘genuine mistake’?”

It must still be there, right? Had they taken it out for a joyride some summer? Had someone borrowed it and not brought it back? Oh had Goku accidentally punched a hole in it this one as well? “Now, remember Piccolo, everyone thought he was a monster, and now he’s raising Gohan and Goten with Chi-Chi.”

“Sure, but, jeez. I don’t think she’s much like Piccolo.”

“We’ll see.”

“Yeah. We will. Anyway.” Oolong wiped his forehead. “At least I haven’t died yet. I can be brought back with the dragonballs.”

“You worry too much. We were smart enough to put Krillin’s name on it. And my pupil’s a strong fighter; he’ll be able to hold her off until one of us runs for help.”

“Are you listening to yourself? You’re putting your life in the hands of Krillin’s fighting skills. On _Krillin_ being able to fight off a girl, a pretty girl who by the way he has a crush on.” The pig shook his head. ”You believe he’ll be able to fight an android strong enough to beat a Super Saiyan up? That’s what you’re staking your life on?”

Roshi cleared his throat. “I have the utmost faith in the boy.”

“You can have the faith.” The pig was creeping away, close to the walls. “I want the getaway.”

“Now, now, maybe she’ll just be disgusted and throw the basket away. At worst, perhaps she’ll break one of our arms.” His roommate snored in fear. “Burn the house down and make us go to Bulma’s for a new one. Hey. Hey. Maybe the new one will have more bedrooms.”

He sighed. “I have a feeling that she’ll still continue to live with us. Like Launch. Only without the nice side.”

Now it was the martial artist’s turn to be forlorn, and feel the weight of the years resting on his shell. Remembered the nice gorgeous blue-haired woman and her other side, a feisty, violent blonde that yes, was not unlike their current newest guest. “I guess that makes the twin brother, (Juunanagou?) the good Launch.”

Oolong was not reassured. “Dende help us. Do you think he’ll help her slaughter us mercilessly?”

“No.” The turtle hermit knew his type. Was he not a brother as well? One with a cold-hearted sister? “He’ll just stand back and watch. And laugh.”

“You forgot one thing, old man. Even if all she does is act mean to us all, how do you think Krillin’s going to react when he learns you gave her that stuff? And with his name on it?”

“…”

“You think he’s all nice and sweet with that round face and the sad little hair on his head. You remember the time he tried to grow a goatee and laugh. The personal ads he put out and him moping about being single and lonely, and slap your knee.” Pink fingers stabbed at the Turtle Hermit. So did something below the sternum. “But you forget that he’s strong enough to destroy mountains and blast away the ocean if he gets angry enough.”

His last pupil had quite outstripped his old master, hadn’t he? Funny, how that always brought pride before.

“Remember when he gets careless and destroys furniture? Remember when he got sick and broke the couch from all his coughing? How he sometimes tears down one of his walls rolling into them in his sleep? When he tore the door off the fridge because he was paying too much attention to the TV?

“Now imagine if he was pissed off. You think you could fight him off?”

There was a sharp inhale as Roshi recalled the less than peaceful moments his normally tender-hearted pupil lost his temper. “There was also that time he and Yamcha were sparring, and to get him worked up Yamcha started mocking how he felt for that android girl.”

“Had to carry him off to Dende to get healed.”

“And Yamcha never said anything about her again. Or about blonde girls in general.”

“…we should not have played that joke.”

An evil giggle came from his roommate. “Still, would look hot if we could see her using that stuff.”

“We won’t,” Roshi said heavily. “No. We’ll see her using that stuff on us. Jamming them in, twisting them nice and deep--”

“Stop!”

“…”

“If she doesn’t get us, he will.” Krillin was a good-hearted boy, forgiving. But he could be sensitive about certain things.

“…”

“I say we run for it.”

“Where?” He sighed.

“Capsule Corp. Big. Plenty of places to hide. At this point, I’ll take Vegeta, who isn’t necessarily trying to kill us, over the androids and a pissed off Krillin.”

“It’s Krillin! He’d never hurt us. I’m like a father to him, he’s like a _son_ to me. I raised him, pretty much.” Behind his sunglasses, his eyes misted off a little remembering the small bald-headed little boy who knew exactly what type of girls he was into, as though they were on the same wavelength. How that little boy had grown to a small, but very, very strong man whose power far surpassed his own by an insane margin. A small powerful man who tended towards romantic thoughts and dreams of having a nice girlfriend, who recently walked around the house like an abused puppy, only perking up when he’d come home with the Red Ribbon Army androids, jumping up and down before his Master as soon as it was just them, and asking if they could stay, oh, please?

The last time he’d acted like that was around Maron, and even then he wasn’t this giddy. Or so brave. Blushing around that girl, yes, but stammering much less. Looking her straight in the eye and acting serious around her, dark eyes without a single gleam of irrelevance, and since they’d showed up he hadn’t been making as many jokes about himself.

Definitely not like how he acted around most of the girls he liked, hell, he still stammered around the checkout girl at the nearby supermarket. But…Juuhachigou was so…unhappy? Miserable-looking sometimes. Filled with anger and resentment and hardly saying more than two words to anyone but her brother. Nothing like the girls that Krillin normally went for, all girly and giddy and bubbly and helpful and not skinny and mean.

Of course Krillin blushed around her, he blushed around most women. But did he really like her? Was that look he got on his face when he looked at her, all serious and intense, some sort of look of…well, what was that word, _ardor_? Like something from the romantic movies they would watch and sniffle at together, when the handsome lead character would corner and look down on the cute female actor he was passionate about, in a darkened room while she stumbled about and blushed.

He hadn’t been able to bring himself to kiss Maron, as far as Master Roshi knew, and definitely never look at his ex that way, at least in front of other people. If that was even what that expression on his face meant. Maybe Krillin was just watching her carefully to make sure she was not a homicidal maniac, but then, shouldn’t he be watching her brother the same way--? If the young man hadn’t seen Juuhachigou beat the living crap out of the strongest fighters on the planet, it might be that he simply had a crush on her. But to see her terrorizing his friends and still like her didn’t sound much like the short fighter that the turtle hermit had raised.

It was embarrassing, awkward, to realize that his son in all but blood felt such a way about the mysterious human-looking woman living under his roof. What exactly did you do in this situation? Should he offer him advice, tell him what his chances were, get them alone with some candles and chocolate covered strawberries? His own memories of wooing girls were still fresh, ah, youth, but now he just sit back and let them flock to him, but Krillin definitely wasn’t that type to take it easy…

“You just messed up his chances with a girl he was seriously into.” Oolong hissed.

Juuhachigou didn’t seem the type to sit down for a peaceful conversation let alone be willing to go on a date with someone. Could she even date? Was she capable of those feelings? Krillin really deserved better than a robot, regardless of how pretty a robot it was.

“He’ll murder you and wear your head as a crown to show others what happens when they get between him and a girl way out of his league. He’ll have to wear it a lot. At least, now you’ll get out more.”

Of course, if she knew the blonde android would leave the house and possibly yell at Krillin until he cried. He was such a sensitive boy.

“Her brother’s sleeping on the couch, too. No chance to slip off.”

“We’ll never get away.”

“Who knows,” he laughed uneasily. “Maybe she’ll like him more? Women like men with initiative.”

“You’re delusional,” the wise Turtle Hermit said.

Tear were returning to the pig’s eyes. “Why did we even give her that basket?”

He found his pipe tucked away in his shirt, and puffed away, nevermind a promise made to Krillin that he wouldn’t smoke inside. A little ash would be the least of their problems, he suspected. “Thought it was funny. Didn't realize she'd actually take it without looking.”

* * *

 

To say she was horrified was like saying the sun was big and hot. True, objectively, but way oversimplifying the sheer magnitude. Her rage and revulsion and maybe other r-words that were slipping past her deadlocked mind were not unlike a star burning through disbelief like it was hydrogen until finally reaching anger and increasing in size to a red giant. Planets of calmness and any feelings of content were entirely wiped out and left dead balls of apathy and confusion to float around in daze.

What the _hell_ was Krillin thinking with this? Had he even been thinking? What the hell was _wrong_ with that little man?

He’d been so quiet and serious around her, making much fewer bad jokes than she had expected. In fact, he seemed to be directed them more towards her brother than her. As though trying to be good buddies with Juunanagou. Which was really odd, even if it was a relief. Why was he so nice to her stupid brother? Was it just him being a good host?

Well, then, what the hell was this basket about? How was that being a good host? ‘Hey, have a good night’s sleep. Do you want a cup of tea? No? How about a basket of filthy sex toys to fall asleep to? Welp, see you in the morning. Hope you like toast!’

Then skipping off, metaphorically, as though doing nothing more than being kind. He hadn’t even the courage to present it to her. Was that being smart, _smarter_?

It was contradictory. Making such an open forward gesture like that, while at the same time ducking out on seeing her face to face.

Juuhachigou had thought he was a weird short man, what with crushing that remote. A strange bizarre guy who couldn’t be trusted or understood, and even more so after awakening from Cell and learning why he’d done all that. The man had used a wish to help her and her brother lead more normal lives all because of his feelings for her. And she’d been contemptuous as she was confused. But content to leave well enough alone and avoid him, write him off as that weak noseless bald human who had so misguiding crush on her.

Seeing him again, running into him almost literally on the road was just a strange coincidence. Her brother had sensed her discomfort and rather than hit the gas pedal, had jumped out of the car and dusted Krillin off from the ditch he’d dived into, picked up his bags and offered him a ride home. She had done nothing more than stonily look out the window, but Juunanagou was full of stories and had no problem talking about their current living situation: a half finished cabin in the middle of nowhere since they’d just moved out of an apartment they’d been crashing in with some unnamed guys in hopefully a band.

Krillin had been fascinated and sympathetic at turns, and of course offered hospitality to them both. His eyes got all gooey and soft whenever looking at her, the reflection unmistakable in the window she was trying to focus on. As though she couldn’t even escape him when ignoring him. Juuhachigou had nearly opened the door to fall out into traffic. But no, no, she had stayed and stayed and was now looking down at a gift of sex toys.

…what the hell was _even in here_? She would jam all this up his ass, especially—oh god. Was that what she thought it was? A thing that was supposed to, in theory, go up someone’s ass. She closed her eyes.

This was what her life had become. Living with Krillin, looking at porn magazines in the corner of her eye all day. And now, staring down at a gift basket of possibly used objects that were meant to be used to arouse her. This was her life.

It was horrifically easy to imagine Krillin in a porno shop. Selecting things he thought she would enjoy. Perusing the store for dirty movies about unappeasable blonde woman, the right size in lingerie, the exact shape and size of a dildo she would particularly enjoy.

She would have to murder him for this, no question.

Yet still, even with the possibility (no, certainty) of murdering Krillin, the supposed good one in this house, it was still better than that apartment. Having to sleep on a half-empty beanbag, hearing the creepy stuff they’d said about her and Juunanagou that was nearly as bad as Roshi, the holes in the walls covered over with posters, the instruments cluttering the floor and constant smell of never-discovered old pine trees.

How far she’d fallen, from being one of the most powerful warrior on this planet with the gang of vigilantes beaten beneath her boot. Krillin, cowering beneath her lips.

Just the thought of him was sending her back from self-pity to a completely understandable rage. That little filthy pervert. She’d thought so much better of him, and that’s what maybe hurt the most. That Krillin had been seemingly sane and respectful of her, only to be the worst pervert of them all. An awful twist to her awful life.

“Oh, Krillin.” The mirror on the nightstand showed her a blonde woman, very disappointed. “What were you thinking?”

Talking to herself now. Just going stir crazy, looking at sex toys in this House of Porn.

…what had he even given her, anyway, exactly? What was that thing, that rounded thing? Oh, oh god. ‘Waterproof,’ is that what the package said? Why…’good in the shower?’ She would never be able to take a shower without thinking of that thing. And, by extension, this entire basket. And Krillin.

Thinking about a vibrator, in the shower, and Krillin. Ugh.

Thank god that Namek wasn’t here to read her mind. If Krillin was turning out to be such a huge pervert, maybe the green-skinned alien was a gossip. She could just see him, leaning way over to tell the miserable shrimp that Juuhachigou was imagining him in a sexual context. Completely missing or ignoring that she was drowning him in the shower, and shoving that vibrator down Krillin’s throat. It would be on par for Piccolo to only hear ‘vibrator,’ ‘Krillin,’ and ‘shower’ in her mind.

But he wasn’t here. She was completely free to lean back in this bed, and think about ‘vibrator,’ ‘Krillin,’ and ‘shower,’ in whatever context she wanted. Strangling or not.

Not.

_Not._

No, no, definitely heading down that road was a horrible idea. Even if he was making his intentions very clear, completely avoiding subtext with his limp compliments and fluttering his eyelashes at her, the stares when he thought she wasn’t look, like he’d been doing. Twitching every time they came close. Now he was giving her a bundle of sex toys and lingerie.

Though, at least he picked a decent color. If unoriginal. And it looked to be the right size.

_Of course it was_ , all he did was goggle at her. Probably knew her measurements better than she did. Maybe, if she didn’t murder him first thing tomorrow, she could have him take her shopping. Though that would only give him hope.

…Though that would be funny, to make him think she liked and approved of this, only to murder and bury him in a shallow grave. Could she get away with that? Everyone would probably suspect her. She’d have to go into hiding after. Would it be worth having to hide in the middle of nowhere with her brother? On the other hand, not like she wasn’t already doing that. Have to look over her shoulder all the time. What a pain.

Somehow, she found her hand absently riffling through the basket out of a sick curiosity. Well, if she was going to burn it anyway…oh, great, a dildo, another dildo, another one, though this one was attached to a _harness_? Ugh, what the hell, Krillin? Just disgusting, to see the dark furrow of his brain that he was revealing to her with this. The sick fetishes that were being revealed.

Did he really like something like this? That would explain some things. He was so easy to push around. This basket was just some passive way of telling her how he felt, too cowardly to actually confront her. Like with those bombs. The woman looking back at her had a flush, mouth open in cringe.

He so obviously wanted to use these things with her. Use them to her, to him. Probably would sell a kidney to be in this room with her, as she looked over this thing. Or maybe he was too afraid for that. It didn’t make any _sense_ that he would give her this basket, without sticking around. Didn’t he want to see her use this? Why wouldn’t he try to see her reaction, see if she responded positively, if he was so desperate for her to want him?

Krillin was obviously attached and attracted to her. For whatever strange reason. Besides, well, the obvious ones. But after having seen her beat his friends up, shouldn’t he respond like the others, and flinch away, or curse her existence? The pig nearly squealed when he found out who she was, and the old pervert had gone pale, as though having a heart attack. Those two were probably the ones to play for the little ex-monk being the way he was. They had made him this way, this sextoy-giving weirdo who had a thing for an android, rather than liking a normal human girl.

That girl in the mirror appeared fully normal. Tucking her hair behind her ears, looking thoughtful. Cute, harmless looking, almost sweet when she wanted to be. Enough to make men gibber around her, especially to that jug-eared weakling. All it took was some nothing little kiss, and on the cheek, to completely knock him off his obviously unstable pedestal.

Which, if everything about both of them was completely different, might have been flattering. If only she weren’t a cyborg with no interest in him or dating of anyone but particularly dating _him_ , and if only he weren’t a short, bald, awkward weird little ex-monk with a penchant for—this crap.

The Styrofoam packaging went flying over the side of the bed.

Her reflection narrowed its eyes. Not her being ‘this crap.’ ‘This crap’ was the basket that would haunt her for the rest of her life that would last for who knew how long. It really depended on how pissed she was going to be with Krillin tomorrow morning, and if she killed him or not. And if they found the body. And if they blamed her.

…Which they probably would.

Juuhachigou rolled a vibrator absently between her hands. Have to push him down the stairs and make it look like an accident. No idea what hit him.

Huh. Came with the batteries already in it. Good idea.

She could do whatever the hell she wanted. With this basket. And she definitely didn’t need Krillin to be here, to use maybe a couple of these things anyway. That would just kill him, to know she had used his little gift in such a way, and without him entirely. Crush him. Really show how little she cared.

Of course, that didn’t make it any less embarrassing to turn the thing on and feel it thrumming in her hand. Even the low noise of it sounded perverted. Humming at her, smugly. Knowingly. Maybe those two pervs (three?) were also having an influence on her? What the hell was she doing with this, and why was her face so _alarmed_?

No, this was her room (for the time being) and she was (fairly) sure there were no cameras hiding in the walls to spy on her, and she was frustrated with everything in her life at the moment. Perhaps there was some sexual frustration mixed into the daily pressure? Plus the rage of having to deal with her brother. Living at Kame House had only exasperated it. Being around Krillin, for whatever reason(s), was the cherry on top.

If this helped keep her from breaking Krillin’s neck and pushing his body down from someplace high to make it appear like an accident, then clearly she should use it. Though, really, she didn’t need a reason to do whatever the hell she wanted. That was how her Juunanagou lived, pointless, meaningless. Free of any expectations; she couldn’t even get him to clean dishes in a reasonable time line. Even here, on this rock, they just cleaned around her brother and didn’t seem to mind him lying about.

Why couldn’t she, without questioning herself, just masturbate in peace?

Absolutely nothing. For the nine-hundredth time, she looked around the room for any holes or cameras, then shoved down her pants. Watched herself reach down to pull off her shoes, socks. Any perverts seeing this would be drooling. And why not? She slid a hand between her legs, and already felt herself growing warm.

Krillin would just collapse to see her like this. Fall to the floor, drooling. With that goopy-eyed expression, and strange-small smile. Saw off his right arm to see her sliding two fingers, teasingly, into herself. At least if he was here, she thought, he could help undress her. She could nearly see his hands folding her pants, rather than having to do it herself. His cloyingly sweet looks of adoration that would be magnified by seeing her in just a t-shirt and her underwear.

_Give both hands._ But now wasn’t the time to think about that round, annoying face. With its short dark bristles that he was so proud of, and just thinking of it made her smile. He spent hours petting it, and had invested in an alarming amount of combs, fancy shampoos/conditions. Now was definitely not the time to pretend for him to be here, to inspect himself in that mirror while she smirked at him, to have him besides her in this tiny bed to try and maneuver themselves into a comfortable position to undress. That ridiculous voice. Skin she knew from experience (though limited) that was soft and warm.

Just another kiss on the cheek would have him under her thrall. Further under her thrall. Pulling him into her bed, and just giving into what he wanted. What a large and growing part of her wanted. Prove those giggling morons who insisted on nudging each other to make double entandres for every little comment that passed between her and the shrimp. Make her brother sick by indeed acting out and giving into whatever stew of hormones and frustration.

He’d probably get rid of all the porn in the house for her, then. And make her breakfast more often. Bring her coffee more often rather than giving her irritated looks and telling her to get it herself. After sleeping with him, he’d be more of her puppy than ever. Plus it might relieve the tension laden looks they’d sometimes exchanged, knowing exactly what the other was thinking.

Languidly enjoying each other and not having to deal with the others. How bad could that be? Sure, he would become even clingier, and she could draw up Gero’s information about him with ease to go over and over his weaknesses for women, and his dream to get married one day--a dream she didn’t share in the least. Their _whatever_ of an attempt at a relationship would drag out for a while until she got sick of him, and then left him a little older and more jaded.

But it might be fun while it lasted.

Hm, could she pull her clothes on and drag him over?

Her eyes gazed over that thought, nearly forgotten humming device in her hands.

Or just have some fun right now, free of problems. She gave a start when pressing the tip against her, searching for the right spot, and finding it _there_. Had to bite her lip to keep from purring herself at the feeling. While her other hand went for the basket, searching for something else, mind playing movies of Krillin in less clothes than was his norm. That, and playing with the realization that he was short enough to add an extra aspect to their theoretical, hypothetical sex life.

He was such a goober, anyway. Probably wouldn’t even have any idea what to do with a naked woman. Even if she showed him, _ahah, there it was,_ and the one that was the right size too. Even if she showed him exactly what she wanted, with this dildo to demonstrate exactly what she wanted from him. The blonde did her best not to blush at the sight of herself, holding this device. _Right, Krillin, pretend this is your cock, and watch me suck on the tip, just a little._ Love to see her like this, would kill for a picture of her playing with herself.

Feeling that warmth and dampness that drove her to taking off her shirt, admiring the contrast between her dark bra and underwear compared to her pale skin. How many times had Krillin dreamt and fantasied of seeing her like this? And for how long? For his sake, she hoped that it was at least after she’d kissed him. Though, she had to admit to her own distractions when it came to him, the ones that had come as soon as she’d seen the frightened, trembling figure. Even more scared than his friends. Ludicrous.

Even her brother hadn’t been able to resist taunting him.

He stuck out, even amongst his alien friends, the three-eyed one, that unnamed one with the stupid purple hair and the one with the dark ridiculous hair like a tree. Buckling knees and a quivering mouth. It made you want to only mess with him further—a fact that Krillin still hadn’t seemed to cotton to.

A noseless idiot who couldn’t seem to ever do anything right. Yet, still, for all his fear, he’d still been there in those mountains. She could no longer feel so disgusted by his weakness at seeing them, his relief at them disappearing. For everything, he’d still jumping in front of Cell to protect her, appearing before her with that remote only to crush it, using the dragonballs to help her and her brother.

His ridiculous face all bashful as he confessed, confessed—

The only one of the bunch that hadn’t tried to fight her. Who didn’t want to play any games and wasn’t intimidated like the others in this house, who seemed to act like she was a human girl. Who when he would bring flowers to fill the vases in the kitchen and living room for ‘no real reason.’ Who had shown kindness rather than anger and took her act of taunting him as something else.

And none of those things quite pissed her off anymore. Irked her in some way. Their ‘relationship,’ the word itself full of connotations, was unlike the others in her life. With every shove, he simply went along with it, pushing back only in the softest ways and never lingering. He simply did not want to play that game.

That careless gesture, just a way of scaring him and showing him who was in charge. Only to have it twisted back at her. In a relatively harmless way she could deflect. Until he decided to up everything by giving her that basket.

A gesture she was really beginning to warm up to. It seemed both impulsive, as well as planned. Waiting for the right moment, then leaving it and running away. Juuhachigou could only picture the last, seeing him fleeing away from her door with a panicked expression.

How...how _brave_ of him. _Finally_.

He clearly was interested in her. Even Juunanagou and the other pervs were picking up on that. Even Goku’s friend, Bulma Briefs, had gotten a strange tone in her voice when hearing that Krillin had invited the cyborgs to Kame House, and they’d accepted. But why run away? Fear finally taking root, too late for him to scoop up the basket? Terrified of her reaction when she found it, but not able to even take his name from it.

Well. The next time she saw him, she would show how wrong he was about her.

Krillin was always awake before everyone else to make breakfast. Tomorrow, she would get there before the others awoke and corner him. Lean in close, whisper in his ears what she had done with his little present, talk all about the details and what he’d missed out on by leaving. _If only you’d stayed; could have used another pair of hands._

But of course she needed to finish up here to get all the details right.

It was only from her own perfectionism that made her reach behind her for her bra strap and throwing it carefully with the rest of her clothes. In this house, you learned to never keep your underwear far from your sight. Speaking of which.

Now she was sitting naked on a bed in Kame House, vaguely pleased at the idea of having Krillin taking up space besides her like this, relieved that he was not. She kept having this absurd urge to cover her chest. When, really, she needed to buck down and get this over with. Like when it had come to killing Goku. Just get it together, and get it done. Messing around certainly hadn’t accomplished anything.

Besides getting her a new outfit. Giving Juunanagou a chance to drive around in an ugly pink van. Taking Juurokugou to the zoo.

And meeting Krillin again. Before getting sucked up by that disgusting bug, and therefore losing that new outfit, but still. Seeing him again, having him prepared to sacrifice just about everything for her. Even if he barely knew her and already had developed an unwanted attachment to her. What he thought was her anyway: some weak, frail little flower that needed his protection. When he turned out to be less helpful with Cell than Juurokugou.

Still, though, he did care for her, despite what she was and what she’d done. With his strange, harmless, confusing angles. How he beamed over her smiles, responded to every word as though even her complaints about what was on TV were some gospel.

At least he was moderately…for lack of a better word, attractive. In that strange, harmless, confusing way. She still didn’t know what had happened to his nose. But that large, winning smile, big goofy eyes, and Juuhachigou couldn’t claim to be blind to the muscular pale arms and flat stomach that was clearly defined when he would go swimming. She remembered him coming back into the house after a long swim, still damp and sweaty, droplets of moisture running down his skin. Or the skinny pale knees. The well-made hands. Those hands that she could imagine on her.

He might even be thinking the same thing, right now. Lying on his own bed, hands down his pants. Biting his lower lip, whimpering her name. Hoping she might magically appear. Imagining her using the things in this basket. Maybe him helping. Juuhachigou could feel almost him inside her, but this thing was too cold and unyielding. Nothing much like Krillin would be, with that inherent warmth he possessed, both physical and otherwise.

But the cybernetically enhanced was willing to settle for some imitation. Even if it meant she couldn’t grab him by the shoulders and pull him in closer for—a kiss, a better angle, to wrap her arms around his shoulders and inhale the scent of his skin and short hair? Pathetic to think about, even as her face flushed and her stomach clenched at the thought of having his so close. Vulnerable. The only thing separating them a thin line of space and a vibrator slipped down, held in a neat hand just barely marked around the knuckles with scars. That warmth and clenching heat that she had known from some base knowledge, even though she couldn’t recall it every feeling exactly like this, even when she was in the shower with its locked door and warm water hitting her and trickling down her body.

Her legs pulled up, lower lip between her teeth. Raising herself off the bed to look at the mirror. Every swallow echoed in the bedroom.

She fell back onto the bed, looking up at the whitewashed ceiling. All her muscles felt looser than they had been in—what could have been months or even years. No wonder why people did that. Why they did it so much there were entire stores dedicated to helping people do so.

What might be worse is, it could no longer be claimed that all she felt towards Krillin was hostility and contempt. And that, for better or worse, she would have to eat breakfast with him tomorrow and see him every day for the foreseeable future. To have to deal with these new emotions.

_Well. I’ll just have to come up with a good plan. As soon as I figure out what exactly what the goal of that plan will be._

* * *

 

Krillin wasn’t too sure what had happened lately, as in last night. But whatever it was, it had driven Master Roshi and Oolong to stealing away in the middle of the night (with _his_ car),with Juunanagou claiming both their rooms, and Juuhachigou to come down the stairs with such a pleased expression. If he had to take a guess, the blonde woman had probably threatened them for something they’d done, and they’d fled in terror.

All he could really do was shrug, and smile at her before offering her breakfast. To receive her purring confirmation in return, a sound that made him turn around, flushed, and trying to avoid making eye contact. She always had a gift for making him tongue-tied and nervous by doing basically nothing. He could feel her eyes on him, just taking him in and making him more conscious than ever of his many varied shortcomings.

_Just ignore her, politely, and keep your back to her. Right. Act like everything’s normal, and try not to cut your hand open as you slice tomatoes for the omelet._

_God. I’m so happy. She’s there, taking up space. In my home. That I have to share with Master Roshi and Oolong. And her weird twin brother. But still._

_Is she still looking at me?_

_I’m still so happy. Terrifying. But happy. Never been this happy in so long._

_Where are the green peppers? Don’t tell me we’re out, already--_

Krillin squealed and jammed the knife into the butcher board in front of him as the sensation of slim arms crossing his shoulders. A smooth cold cheek against his neck. Oh. Oh.

Her words were a sweet purr, “Thank you for the present last night.”

“Um. No problem?” The gift of not bothering her?

“Remarkably thoughtful, coming from you.”

“It was nothing. Really.”

“Oh, I’m sure you were happy to help.”

“I’m always happy to help you.” He was nearly gibbering. God, what if Juunanagou came in here and saw this? Or, hell, anyone? Heart attack. Or attacking him. But it wouldn’t be such a bad way to go, in Juuhachigou’s arms and all. During the fight with Cell, he’d almost expected to die holding her unconscious body. It would not have been a bad way to go.

“Mm, I can tell. It _was_ a very thoughtful gift after all.”

Every single hair on his body seemed to be standing up, and his eyes were nearly fluttering. It took a lot of will not to collapse into her.

“The only problem was,” Juuhachigou was _biting_ at his earlobe. “That you weren’t there to share it with me.”

The silence? Freedom of not having to be around him? Oh, god, her tongue was tracing the shell of his ear. He had to let go of the knife.

“I think we should probably remedy that.”

“Yes. Definitely.” Had she asked him to help with a human sacrifice, his answer would have been the same. Impossible to pull away, even as she smirked at him, and dragged him up the stairs by one numb arm. Krillin went with a happy smile, even if he didn’t understand exactly what she’d been talking about.

Even when she pulled out the basket full of strange, unbelievably exciting and perverted devices. Even when she refused to not believe he wasn’t being coy, that he definitely had no idea where that stuff had come from.


End file.
